Im currently a 23 year old mom full time to 2 wonderful little boys aged 3 years and 2 months. Life feels so complete with them, but at the same time I feel so lost. I’m sure many people feel the same way, it’s normal! That’s why I wanted to offer this safe space for parents who might also be struggling in different aspects of their lives.
When you have, birth, or adopt a child, it doesn’t come with a manual. Only a placenta. No one has ever been born with a manual or instruction book, so why do we judge each others parenting techniques so harshly?
At the end of the day, as long as you’re trying, you’re doing perfect. It doesn’t matter if your kids are eating hot dogs or steak at the end of the night, as long as their eating. It doesn’t matter if there wearing Nike or Walmart, as long as their warm.
Being a parent offers you the highest of highs along with the lowest of lows. It takes a village, and not everyone has that support. We need to support each other and be there for each other! Lift everyone instead of tearing them down! Because although it can be hard to admit, even the parents who can provide it all struggle.
Everyone has different experiences with their kids, everyone has different opinions about the way they live their lives. We weren’t put on this Earth to be the most perfect parents, we were put here to offer unconditional love and affection to our offspring until and after they are able to offer that to their own.
But I’m not writing this blog to preach about the lack of support parents have in this generation. Im here to help others and offer support to other parents who want to break generation curses and routines.
I want to alter your view of parenthood, it’s a beautiful experience. But even the best parts can be tiring, painful, or even saddening. You don’t have to go through that alone, no one does.
I want to offer support through the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of parenting. Whether it’s a scheduling issue, a behavioral issue, or a personal one, I want this to be a safe space for you, for everyone. ♥️
Parenting is hard – it can be the hardest job in the world. What other job has 24/7 demands with no pay and no vacation time? It is exhausting both mentally and physically.
Parenting is also beautiful – it is the most fulfilling job you can do. I’ve never felt more alive than I do with my boys, they complete me.
But parenting is more than laughs and cuddles, you need to build a strong connection with your children. It takes time and energy, and a tremendous amount of effort. But it is 100% worth it to have a nice relationship where you can trust and communicate with each other.
You need to regularly connect with your child, rather than correcting them. This can help them develop into strong and confident adults – and let’s be honest here, there aren’t many strong confident people anymore, sadly. We’re all struggling with something, but no one is perfect and perfect isn’t possible.
There is so much information and unhelpful guidance that’s thrown around these days, no one was born knowing what to do – we are all just doing what the people before us did. You need to step away from all of that, learn your own things, re-teach yourself how to parent based off your own knowledge, information, and experiences. Don’t base it on someone else’s experience.
A lot of the guidance offered to parents today tells them to disconnect with their kids, and consider it disrespect when they’re children don’t listen or trust you. But it’s not! They are their own people and they will do their own things.
Disciplining a child shouldn’t start with disconnection. How many times have you heard or told your child to go stand in the corner, or go sit in timeout? This is showing them that when they do something wrong or not to your standards, they aren’t good enough. No one wants their kiddos to feel that way! But shame is a real thing. It’s a painful thing.
No one intentionally shames their child, but it happens easier than you think. Have they ever gotten in trouble or spoken to about spilling or dumping something? Chances are, they have. But would you do that to a co-worker or another? Would you yell or consider it disrespect? No, you wouldn’t. So why do we when it comes to our children?
There’s this little thing called a parent ego. It makes it very easy to first be frustrated, but you must calm yourself before trying to discipline your child – it’s hard, not a lot of people will admit that, but it’s going to be okay! This is a learning process.
When you’re feeling frustrated, try to separate your child’s identity from their behavior. They are not the way they act. They are just kids being kids. And they are good kids! When something is going on with them, try feeding into your curiosity instead of immediately putting your foot down – why are they doing or acting the way they are? What happened or changed for them to make those decisions?
When in doubt, try repairing the connection with your child. Get down on their level for a day, let them take charge for a little while – If no one is getting hurt or in danger and nothing is being broken, what’s the big deal? At the end of the day, you need to let go a little. Kids are going to be kids, things are going to happen, life is going to happen. You can’t micromanage everything – even if you can. So take a step back and live a little with your kids, you’d be surprised at how drastically their behavior can change. Ask them questions, kids change their minds multiple times a day – what’s their favorite game right now? What would make them happy or excited?
We all make mistakes – accidents happen. We need to be careful not to unintentionally shame our children. This happens all the time, because when things start to go wrong, children tend to freeze up. This is completely normal! However, many parents feel disrespected when they are met with silence rather than an immediate answer – it is not disrespect! It is a completely normal reaction.
As a parent, you have to have eyes in the back of your head. You also need to have a shame detector. Shame can completely break someone, and a lot of kids feel shame when they do something wrong or on accident. If they are feeling this way, you need to connect with them. Tell them there’s no reason to feel shame, accidents happen but life goes on.
Be a conscious parent – be present. Be aware of your children’s fears and shame. Don’t control, but guide them. Don’t blame them.
This goes for parents who are bringing new littles into the world as well – don’t blame the baby.
When you’re busy with feeding, changing, or just simply loving, don’t ever blame the baby! This can cause sibling rivalry and pent up emotions with older siblings. Instead, involve them. Involve them in feeding, cleaning, bathing, and diaper changes. Involve them with books and tummy time! The connection you want – and the connection your children need to thrive – comes from you. You have to work hard for it.
Gentle parenting is a controversial topic, many don’t believe in it, but it’s becoming a much more popular parenting method as a lot of parents want to break free of generational practices. It can be extremely effective, however, the main goal in any positive parenting technique is to raise happy, healthy, confident children.
This parenting style can have a very positive impact on your child’s life. While it may not be for everyone, it is a great parenting technique to try. At the end of the day, uninvolved parenting is the least effective way to parent, so there’s no harm in trying out gentle parenting.
There are 4 key components to gentle parenting; empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries. When you choose your actions based on those qualities, you are also fostering your child to have those qualities themselves. You must be compassionate with your child, and allow them to explain themselves in situations. Ask them why something happened, did they feel a certain way about something someone said or did? Did they lose something?
I’ve come to find with my own son that many times he has pent up feelings about something that happened the day before or even weeks before. It’s like he randomly remembers things that happened and gets upset about them again. So you should always try to talk to them and see what’s bothering them, but be sure you listen to them and validate their feelings, as that is how you would want to feel if you were to confide in someone you trust.
Sometimes you may encounter a situation or a reaction that you don’t know how to handle, that’s okay! Just make sure to calm yourself first. You won’t be able to properly handle a situation and calm your child unless you calm yourself first. You are teaching them with your actions, be a reflection of how you want them to be.
Any parenting technique can be overwhelming, however gentle parenting can be very intense and time consuming. You must prepare yourself for consistent one on one time with your children to get the most out of this technique. Children learn best when given visual instructions rather than verbal ones. You can get through most situations with nothing but visual instructions, you just need to mirror how you want them act.
You need to be very hands on, and involve your children in daily decisions like what to have for lunch or where to go. It’s easy to look at your children as something other than their own person. We often do this when we have to go somewhere. You generally just pack them up in the car and go, but try having a conversation prior to leaving, tell then where you’re going and what you’re going to do. This can help them feel included in the decision making while also preparing them for the day. When things start to go wrong, or tantrums arise, try redirecting them by working alongside them.
Talk with your toddler about their feelings and how to properly express them. TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY! Their feelings and emotions are completely valid, even if they don’t make sense to us. Work with them on critical thinking and problem solving. These are key life skills that will help them succeed later on in life.
Say your child were to throw their food on the floor, or spill a drink. Some parents will just clean it up, others will discipline their children for the actions, but try working with them instead. You would be surprised the difference it will make. If they are throwing food, inform them that throwing the food means they are done and do not want anymore, then have them help you clean it up and put everything where it goes. But try not to get irritated with them, listen to their reasoning. With my son personally, even in the beginning, I found that he would usually end up apologizing over what happened, before we really talk about it much.
How to handle Toddler Tantrums step by step:
1.) Stay Calm. Talk with them to reconnect with them, be compassionate and use empathy. Take their concerns seriously and try to redirect their energy into something positive.
2.) Soothe them. Remember, you don’t want to escalate the issue further, so try to calm them when you can. However, do not remove or lessen your boundaries, stay firm with them. Children mirror your actions and habits, if you set clear boundaries and stick with them, they will learn to do so and will use that skill later on in life.
3.) Prevent/Avoid triggers. What is bothering them and why? How can you avoid these things or prevent them from happening? If you are unsure, try speaking with your child. See if something is making them sad or mad, or maybe even just bad. They might not understand the feeling, but they will understand if it is something that they do not like.
4.) Offer them your full love and attention! Remember, they are small people with big feelings that they do not know how to handle properly. You must show them, don’t tell them. They learn from your actions better than from your words.
5.) Offer positive reinforcement. Discipline your child may cover the bad actions, but you also need to praise them for the good ones if you want them to keep doing them – again – children learn better from your actions, showing them or offering them something positive for good behavior can go a very long way and can help when it comes to discipline the bad behavior as it is initiative for them do choose to make good choices.
Gentle parenting can be difficult and challenging at times, especially if you have trouble calming yourself – and let’s be honest here, we all have problems with this at time – but that’s no reason to avoid or give up on it. At the end of the day, we are all trying to do what’s best for our kids and for ourselves. This parenting style is amazing, because it can prevent various anxiety and confidence issues later on in life. You’d be so surprised about how big of an effect the small actions we make have on our kids. Something small to us, can completely traumatize them later on in life, it can cause separation and depression issues, boundary issues, and lack of self love. Our children are no different than us, it is just easier to hurt them both physically and mentally. We are all trying our best, and if your only able to offer 60% some days, but you’re using 100% of your effort to prove the 60%, then you are giving 100%. ❤️
MommyBrain 