Gentle parenting is a controversial topic, many don’t believe in it, but it’s becoming a much more popular parenting method as a lot of parents want to break free of generational practices. It can be extremely effective, however, the main goal in any positive parenting technique is to raise happy, healthy, confident children.
This parenting style can have a very positive impact on your child’s life. While it may not be for everyone, it is a great parenting technique to try. At the end of the day, uninvolved parenting is the least effective way to parent, so there’s no harm in trying out gentle parenting.
There are 4 key components to gentle parenting; empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries. When you choose your actions based on those qualities, you are also fostering your child to have those qualities themselves. You must be compassionate with your child, and allow them to explain themselves in situations. Ask them why something happened, did they feel a certain way about something someone said or did? Did they lose something?
I’ve come to find with my own son that many times he has pent up feelings about something that happened the day before or even weeks before. It’s like he randomly remembers things that happened and gets upset about them again. So you should always try to talk to them and see what’s bothering them, but be sure you listen to them and validate their feelings, as that is how you would want to feel if you were to confide in someone you trust.
Sometimes you may encounter a situation or a reaction that you don’t know how to handle, that’s okay! Just make sure to calm yourself first. You won’t be able to properly handle a situation and calm your child unless you calm yourself first. You are teaching them with your actions, be a reflection of how you want them to be.
Any parenting technique can be overwhelming, however gentle parenting can be very intense and time consuming. You must prepare yourself for consistent one on one time with your children to get the most out of this technique. Children learn best when given visual instructions rather than verbal ones. You can get through most situations with nothing but visual instructions, you just need to mirror how you want them act.
You need to be very hands on, and involve your children in daily decisions like what to have for lunch or where to go. It’s easy to look at your children as something other than their own person. We often do this when we have to go somewhere. You generally just pack them up in the car and go, but try having a conversation prior to leaving, tell then where you’re going and what you’re going to do. This can help them feel included in the decision making while also preparing them for the day. When things start to go wrong, or tantrums arise, try redirecting them by working alongside them.
Talk with your toddler about their feelings and how to properly express them. TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY! Their feelings and emotions are completely valid, even if they don’t make sense to us. Work with them on critical thinking and problem solving. These are key life skills that will help them succeed later on in life.
Say your child were to throw their food on the floor, or spill a drink. Some parents will just clean it up, others will discipline their children for the actions, but try working with them instead. You would be surprised the difference it will make. If they are throwing food, inform them that throwing the food means they are done and do not want anymore, then have them help you clean it up and put everything where it goes. But try not to get irritated with them, listen to their reasoning. With my son personally, even in the beginning, I found that he would usually end up apologizing over what happened, before we really talk about it much.
How to handle Toddler Tantrums step by step:
1.) Stay Calm. Talk with them to reconnect with them, be compassionate and use empathy. Take their concerns seriously and try to redirect their energy into something positive.
2.) Soothe them. Remember, you don’t want to escalate the issue further, so try to calm them when you can. However, do not remove or lessen your boundaries, stay firm with them. Children mirror your actions and habits, if you set clear boundaries and stick with them, they will learn to do so and will use that skill later on in life.
3.) Prevent/Avoid triggers. What is bothering them and why? How can you avoid these things or prevent them from happening? If you are unsure, try speaking with your child. See if something is making them sad or mad, or maybe even just bad. They might not understand the feeling, but they will understand if it is something that they do not like.
4.) Offer them your full love and attention! Remember, they are small people with big feelings that they do not know how to handle properly. You must show them, don’t tell them. They learn from your actions better than from your words.
5.) Offer positive reinforcement. Discipline your child may cover the bad actions, but you also need to praise them for the good ones if you want them to keep doing them – again – children learn better from your actions, showing them or offering them something positive for good behavior can go a very long way and can help when it comes to discipline the bad behavior as it is initiative for them do choose to make good choices.
Gentle parenting can be difficult and challenging at times, especially if you have trouble calming yourself – and let’s be honest here, we all have problems with this at time – but that’s no reason to avoid or give up on it. At the end of the day, we are all trying to do what’s best for our kids and for ourselves. This parenting style is amazing, because it can prevent various anxiety and confidence issues later on in life. You’d be so surprised about how big of an effect the small actions we make have on our kids. Something small to us, can completely traumatize them later on in life, it can cause separation and depression issues, boundary issues, and lack of self love. Our children are no different than us, it is just easier to hurt them both physically and mentally. We are all trying our best, and if your only able to offer 60% some days, but you’re using 100% of your effort to prove the 60%, then you are giving 100%. ❤️
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